Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Too much gin, very little bucket
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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