I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
