I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
