I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
