i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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