i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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