im about as happy as oj after his trial
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
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