I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
