Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
