You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
