I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
