the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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