do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
