Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
