Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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