the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
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He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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