There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
