she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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