do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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