i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
