At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
