Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
