OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I AM VODKA MAN
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
