Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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