I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
