More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
