Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
