it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
