More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
