Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
