Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
