So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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