i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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