I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
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