Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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