Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
