I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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The air was thick with penises
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't put those talents on a resume
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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