Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
