do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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