Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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