my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
