i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
we're so committed to being not committed
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