Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
