I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
