Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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