mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
