i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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