I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
