I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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