Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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