Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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