I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
