Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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