Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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