I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
