I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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