No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
