Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
