Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
