I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
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