He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's the barista slut.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
