Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
