but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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