Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
