she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
