my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
