So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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