Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
