Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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