Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
